Join for FREE | Take the Tour Lost Password?
Shop deviantART for the
holidays and save BIG!
Click here! :holly:
[x]

deviantART

 


I think I’m falling
in love with you.
But I’d rather
Fall in lust
Give me pleasure
Without the pain,
Give me closeness
Without the trust
Give me breathtaking,
Without the beauty,
Give me enjoyment,
Without wasting time
Give me everything you’ve got,
Without having to make you mine.
Feel the vital kiss,
With a mouth as smooth as oil,
Feel your body ripple,
With a pleasure that shall not spoil.
Feel the intense nature,
Through a simple glance of skin,
Feel your whole mind fill with intensity,
As lust slowly enters in.
Let this animal devour you,
As your want becomes your need,
Let it destroy your morals inside of you,
Until you’re let loose, and you are freed
Of every tie you’ve ever been given,
Of everything you’ve known as wrong
Now there’s a point to living,
If you would just play along.

…still won’t you please just stay a while?
Can we just stay real close?
Talk to me, it makes me smile,
I like you more than most.
I do adore the pleasure,
But what follows, unthought-of, is pain,
As I realise through this awful scene,
That you’ll never be mine to gain.
If to “thine own self be true”,
was the truest quote ever said,
Then you can forget the lust,
Just give me true love instead.
Creative Commons License
Some rights reserved. This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 License.
:icontwilite91:

Author's Comments

Well... erm... I wanted to try to write about the seven deadly sins, and this is my first...
Just wanted to give it a go- Lust is definately difficult to write about -_-
Anyways. let me know!

Comments


love 5 5 joy 2 2 wow 1 1 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconxxlilokaxx:
That is really good.. consdiering you said it was difficult .. :giggle:

--
I Love you Jarrett Wilkes! :love: :heart: :blowkiss:
--28th May = The Best Day of My Life :love: :excited:
Tonight I'll leave a message with the stars.. look to them and they will send my whispers of my love :heart:
:iconnikki2290:
It's really good! :)

Liked the last line! :)

--
~If you want it done right, do it yourself~
:iconlove4allenwalker:
This was really good. You really capture the difference between passion in love or just in lust. The rhymes must've taken forever! Good job!

~Artemis

--
:bulletblue: I want to look up when the rain falls, and feel it hit my face. :bulletblue:
:iconpsychomimick:
wow passionate and definitely one for a fave!
you've expressed those sins perfectly, almost sublimely and i really admire your choice of words!
especially :
'Feel the vital kiss,
With a mouth as smooth as oil,'
very vivid and unique, an ornamental line
gratz :dance: fantastic
:+fav:

--
--> // Will try anything twice // <--
Check out my :gallery: [link] :w00t:
:iconkingboo2:
That is good!
I liked the last line the most!

--
97% of Narutards think NejiTen is an official pairing, post this in your signature if you are the 3% that want to slap them mercilessly. And those who are the 97%, flame me all you want, I really dont care.
:iconbulldogtia:
thts so pretty =]

--
:heart: "So breathe in so deep,
Breathe me in;
I'm yours to keep" :heart:
-Secondhand Serenede (Fall For You)

also known as: ~Ms-MMH
~TwilightObsessed member!!!^^
:iconteh-direktor:
Cool topic to pick for a poem

Direktor

--
Change, Death and Taxes lifes little constants

Direktor
:iconthricepatient:
It starts off really powerfully. The entire first stanza is amazingly well-done. The second starts strong, but starts to tend toward the slightly cliche toward the end (last 4 lines or so). You might want to think about how you could portray the same thoughts without borrowing from stock language, unless you do so intentionally.

Overall, I really like it, though. Definitely a very successful portrayal of Lust. Keep at it!
:iconlayia:
I love how it starts out. Concise and sweet. The repetition of "Give me/Without" also adds a great touch to it. That added quote is great too ^^

--
People never plan to fail, but they fail to plan.
:iconnano-x:
Mmhm, I like it. Conveys the sin very vividly. The words you've chosen work really well in my opinion, again I'll comment more when I see you =]

Details

June 22, 2008
1.5 KB

Statistics

70
111 [who?]
1,948 (5 today)
9 (0 today)

Site Map