I used to have someone who cared for me
more than I could've imagined.
Now there are great gaping holes of empty
hurt and once felt emotions
sporadic throughout my soul.
And I used to be whole (I did);
feeling like the entire world would never meet
such a dreamer. With an attitude
that this city
is the best there can be in the land.
He was the only man,
who knew my truth.
Now I dream of velvet skies with flags waving
and patriotism
often red and white
but always Blue.
I sometimes have to pinch myself and remember
that other colours actually exist.
And they are vibrant and dull
all at the same time.
I am no longer his
because. Now,
there is only me.
I taste red brick buildings from hundreds of years ago -
picking one, I gently caress a hope that can't be realized;
this bunch of bricks doesn't want me either.
But I'm a survivor. So I'll trundle on
and on and
onwards
towards some other stack of bricks
that I never really picked.
For the others were taken,
(and making the decision
is more important than being mistaken)
I have compromised
because the construct is too idealized
to ever really be true.
----------------------------------------
You can't see it yet,
but it'll never be you
again. Not now.
Not now that dancing idiots from places whose names I've never heard,
with immature glance and childish pride
and arrogance taken in every stride
have drifted into the wake of my dreams.
Not now, it seems, will I ever be content
with my own version of homeland bent
on destruction of race
and of place
and of me -
Not now, when my own eyes have learned to see
those painfully wonderful
unattainable beauties.
They will engulf, enslave and betray me,
then kiss goodbye sharply with diamonds and air
- setting my last-self free.
Good work